She definitely does, though. And it feels good to have gotten what she was hoping for.
"Well," she says, "it started with finding out that I had family who was alive. After my mom died, I... figured that was it. My father was never in the picture, and I assumed my grandfather was dead. But" she starts off fondly, though it's bittersweet, "it turns out he and his brother were in that town, Bright Falls. They'd moved there years ago. And, as it turns out, that's where I was born."
He's interested in spite of himself, and leans forward a little as she talks. He's not used to being told a story--he's usually the one prompted to tell them.
"Were you young, when your mother passed?" There's more weight in the question than he means for there to be.
"I was fortunate. My mom only passed away a few years ago. She survived long enough to see me get married. Have my daughter. She and Logan, my little girl, were inseparable during the summers."
There's a genuine wince.
"Logan took it hard when she went. But we were lucky enough to be able to say goodbye."
He blinks at the mention of Logan. Nods slowly. "I can imagine. I don't really recall what it felt like myself, but I know someone young takes it hard."
"You don't recall?" she prods gently, and then in the face of getting another 'no, ma'am, she adds- "Does that have to do with the project? What was done to you?"
He can give a simple answer that way but it'll tell her a little more about the file she can't read yet.
He ducks his head into a nod, remembering Arthur and John's reactions to this particular information.
"It does and it doesn't. What they did made it possible." A pause as he realizes that makes no sense on its own. "They wanted us to be fearless. Be able to flip a switch in our heads and control adrenaline and that kind of thing. Seems like they never managed to get it that specific."
And her answer to that is just a nod: all she'd wanted to know was whether it could be changed, one, and whether he had control over it. Those were both important things to know.
But not anything that needs to change right now. He's chosen to be this way because it's what he needed, how he could survive. She's not going to push him to change until he's got some other coping mechanisms and support systems to fill the gaps.
"I'm never going to push you on that point, David. I just wanted to make sure that if it wasn't in your control, we figured out a way to get it there."
She shakes her head and she won't balk at the question. She has some ideas how they connect.
"Logan was a surprise. I don't regret it at all, I love my daughter, but I wasn't planning on having kids. I've always been pretty focused on my career."
David nods. He can see that. Understand it, even. But he's glad in a distant way that Saga can say so firmly that she loves her daughter and doesn't regret her. Not sure why it matters, but it does.
"My mom--" He stops. How long has it been since he said anything about his mother to anyone? "She did her best."
David clears his throat. "Anyhow, I don't think I have any other questions that come to mind right now."
"Mine did too," she says gently, "but thank you for sharing about her. I'm sure it's still hard."
It's still hard for her, after all. And time doesn't make things better. Sometimes, time just makes you more bitter: for all the years you didn't have, for all the times you couldn't share, for all the moments they missed and you felt the lack of their presence like an ache.
She'll shift right along, though, because she doesn't want to get stuck here, for both their sakes.
"You're sure? Nothing... you have questions about at all?"
Yeah, she can see that. Oh, this is going to be a bit of an adjustment from 'ask a million questions' Arthur Lester. She smiles and nods.
"I wasn't sure if you wanted to know any more about how I got Hanna and yourself out of that overlap," she says easily. She considers it before she continues. "I don't mind you asking questions about me in general. You don't even have to have a reason. Just... if you're curious."
"I'm still figuring that out," she says honestly, "a little like you and your boundaries. But it does seem like I can move people around if I need to. Me, others, it's... something I found out about during that week I was telling you about."
And now for the relevant part that might make it stick more.
"But I wanted you to know especially because it means that if you need an extraction or an exit... I can do that."
She considers how she wants to handle this. Then she folds her hands.
"David," and why does it feel so weird and so wrong to say that name? It's not his. The more she's said it, the more it feels like she's putting a bag over his head, covering whatever is left of who was there. Hmm. Something to look forward to in the file.
"How do you see yourself right now? How do you see me? You're a soldier. So, in relation to me, what are you. In relation to you, what am I?"
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"Well," she says, "it started with finding out that I had family who was alive. After my mom died, I... figured that was it. My father was never in the picture, and I assumed my grandfather was dead. But" she starts off fondly, though it's bittersweet, "it turns out he and his brother were in that town, Bright Falls. They'd moved there years ago. And, as it turns out, that's where I was born."
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"Were you young, when your mother passed?" There's more weight in the question than he means for there to be.
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"I was fortunate. My mom only passed away a few years ago. She survived long enough to see me get married. Have my daughter. She and Logan, my little girl, were inseparable during the summers."
There's a genuine wince.
"Logan took it hard when she went. But we were lucky enough to be able to say goodbye."
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He can give a simple answer that way but it'll tell her a little more about the file she can't read yet.
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"It does and it doesn't. What they did made it possible." A pause as he realizes that makes no sense on its own. "They wanted us to be fearless. Be able to flip a switch in our heads and control adrenaline and that kind of thing. Seems like they never managed to get it that specific."
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"So... is that something I just turned back on with my request?"
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"The switch is just jammed in one direction at this point?"
She has a thought but she wants to see how he answers.
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But not anything that needs to change right now. He's chosen to be this way because it's what he needed, how he could survive. She's not going to push him to change until he's got some other coping mechanisms and support systems to fill the gaps.
"I'm never going to push you on that point, David. I just wanted to make sure that if it wasn't in your control, we figured out a way to get it there."
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"It wasn't an impulse decision on my part. Not really."
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"Any other questions about me? I didn't mean to refocus."
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"Did you want to have a kid?"
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"Logan was a surprise. I don't regret it at all, I love my daughter, but I wasn't planning on having kids. I've always been pretty focused on my career."
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"My mom--" He stops. How long has it been since he said anything about his mother to anyone? "She did her best."
David clears his throat. "Anyhow, I don't think I have any other questions that come to mind right now."
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It's still hard for her, after all. And time doesn't make things better. Sometimes, time just makes you more bitter: for all the years you didn't have, for all the times you couldn't share, for all the moments they missed and you felt the lack of their presence like an ache.
She'll shift right along, though, because she doesn't want to get stuck here, for both their sakes.
"You're sure? Nothing... you have questions about at all?"
Like the teleporting. No questions?
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"Uh. I don't think so."
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"I wasn't sure if you wanted to know any more about how I got Hanna and yourself out of that overlap," she says easily. She considers it before she continues. "I don't mind you asking questions about me in general. You don't even have to have a reason. Just... if you're curious."
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He's probably supposed to be curious. "Uh, sure. How did you manage that?"
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And now for the relevant part that might make it stick more.
"But I wanted you to know especially because it means that if you need an extraction or an exit... I can do that."
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Spoilers: he wouldn't.
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She's well aware.
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"David," and why does it feel so weird and so wrong to say that name? It's not his. The more she's said it, the more it feels like she's putting a bag over his head, covering whatever is left of who was there. Hmm. Something to look forward to in the file.
"How do you see yourself right now? How do you see me? You're a soldier. So, in relation to me, what are you. In relation to you, what am I?"
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