And her answer to that is just a nod: all she'd wanted to know was whether it could be changed, one, and whether he had control over it. Those were both important things to know.
But not anything that needs to change right now. He's chosen to be this way because it's what he needed, how he could survive. She's not going to push him to change until he's got some other coping mechanisms and support systems to fill the gaps.
"I'm never going to push you on that point, David. I just wanted to make sure that if it wasn't in your control, we figured out a way to get it there."
She shakes her head and she won't balk at the question. She has some ideas how they connect.
"Logan was a surprise. I don't regret it at all, I love my daughter, but I wasn't planning on having kids. I've always been pretty focused on my career."
David nods. He can see that. Understand it, even. But he's glad in a distant way that Saga can say so firmly that she loves her daughter and doesn't regret her. Not sure why it matters, but it does.
"My mom--" He stops. How long has it been since he said anything about his mother to anyone? "She did her best."
David clears his throat. "Anyhow, I don't think I have any other questions that come to mind right now."
"Mine did too," she says gently, "but thank you for sharing about her. I'm sure it's still hard."
It's still hard for her, after all. And time doesn't make things better. Sometimes, time just makes you more bitter: for all the years you didn't have, for all the times you couldn't share, for all the moments they missed and you felt the lack of their presence like an ache.
She'll shift right along, though, because she doesn't want to get stuck here, for both their sakes.
"You're sure? Nothing... you have questions about at all?"
Yeah, she can see that. Oh, this is going to be a bit of an adjustment from 'ask a million questions' Arthur Lester. She smiles and nods.
"I wasn't sure if you wanted to know any more about how I got Hanna and yourself out of that overlap," she says easily. She considers it before she continues. "I don't mind you asking questions about me in general. You don't even have to have a reason. Just... if you're curious."
"I'm still figuring that out," she says honestly, "a little like you and your boundaries. But it does seem like I can move people around if I need to. Me, others, it's... something I found out about during that week I was telling you about."
And now for the relevant part that might make it stick more.
"But I wanted you to know especially because it means that if you need an extraction or an exit... I can do that."
She considers how she wants to handle this. Then she folds her hands.
"David," and why does it feel so weird and so wrong to say that name? It's not his. The more she's said it, the more it feels like she's putting a bag over his head, covering whatever is left of who was there. Hmm. Something to look forward to in the file.
"How do you see yourself right now? How do you see me? You're a soldier. So, in relation to me, what are you. In relation to you, what am I?"
She hates just about all of that. But she's going to address it as best she can.
"Okay. What you feel about the Admiral is your own business. But as far as I'm concerned, you're not my subject and I'm not your ward, exactly. We are a unit. Together. We are both working on a shared mission. I'm just the senior... officer" she almost said 'agent', "who's taking point on the mission."
She looks over at him now.
"The mission is your graduation. It's not an experiment, because the point isn't to prove whether you can or cannot accomplish this. Accomplishing this is doable. That's why we've been paired to do it."
She looks over at him and gently reaches for his hand to hold it while she continues.
"That means you aren't alone here. I'm with you. We're on the same side. If you're in a bad situation, I am a resource you can turn to."
He looks at her hand, then at her, brows knit. This isn't what happens. People don't-- Even the kind ones don't really want or need to know him, they just need whatever he can provide as A Soldier, whether it's stories about his squadmates or assurances about strangers' kids not being in that bad of a war zone. Not that he's even had much exposure to civilians at all, in the past while.
Senior officer in a shared mission. He's not sure he believes that, but apparently his programming does. At least insofar as he hasn't been inclined to murder her yet.
He looks for something else to say and settles on Old Faithful.
"I'm okay if that takes time to sink in. But if you ever wonder how I see it, it's like that."
She breathes out a little.
"If you want to do any independent research on me, my last inmate was Arthur Lester. I know you and he have some... difficulties, so you can also talk to Alan Wake. Wake and I are from the same world. And we've been... partners on a mission too."
He nods slowly, already knowing he's not going to do independent research. There's an underlying tang of why bother to his general reluctance, but that isn't her fault.
He watches her hand as she pulls back, settling there a moment longer before he shakes himself out of whatever was nibbling at the edges of the empty. "That's good to know. I was aware, about you and Arthur, but... I guess I didn't think about him as a possible... resource."
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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"The switch is just jammed in one direction at this point?"
She has a thought but she wants to see how he answers.
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But not anything that needs to change right now. He's chosen to be this way because it's what he needed, how he could survive. She's not going to push him to change until he's got some other coping mechanisms and support systems to fill the gaps.
"I'm never going to push you on that point, David. I just wanted to make sure that if it wasn't in your control, we figured out a way to get it there."
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"It wasn't an impulse decision on my part. Not really."
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"Any other questions about me? I didn't mean to refocus."
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"Did you want to have a kid?"
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"Logan was a surprise. I don't regret it at all, I love my daughter, but I wasn't planning on having kids. I've always been pretty focused on my career."
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"My mom--" He stops. How long has it been since he said anything about his mother to anyone? "She did her best."
David clears his throat. "Anyhow, I don't think I have any other questions that come to mind right now."
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It's still hard for her, after all. And time doesn't make things better. Sometimes, time just makes you more bitter: for all the years you didn't have, for all the times you couldn't share, for all the moments they missed and you felt the lack of their presence like an ache.
She'll shift right along, though, because she doesn't want to get stuck here, for both their sakes.
"You're sure? Nothing... you have questions about at all?"
Like the teleporting. No questions?
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"Uh. I don't think so."
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"I wasn't sure if you wanted to know any more about how I got Hanna and yourself out of that overlap," she says easily. She considers it before she continues. "I don't mind you asking questions about me in general. You don't even have to have a reason. Just... if you're curious."
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He's probably supposed to be curious. "Uh, sure. How did you manage that?"
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And now for the relevant part that might make it stick more.
"But I wanted you to know especially because it means that if you need an extraction or an exit... I can do that."
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Spoilers: he wouldn't.
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She's well aware.
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"David," and why does it feel so weird and so wrong to say that name? It's not his. The more she's said it, the more it feels like she's putting a bag over his head, covering whatever is left of who was there. Hmm. Something to look forward to in the file.
"How do you see yourself right now? How do you see me? You're a soldier. So, in relation to me, what are you. In relation to you, what am I?"
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"I'm one of the Admiral's experiments." He didn't realize he'd settled on that specific of a label, but it fits. "And you're one of his..."
He frowns. Researcher doesn't feel right. Guard doesn't feel right. "One of his people."
It's as close as he can get. She's on the person side of things, he's on the experiment side of things. As for the two of them more specifically--
"I suppose I'm your subject and you're my ward."
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"Okay. What you feel about the Admiral is your own business. But as far as I'm concerned, you're not my subject and I'm not your ward, exactly. We are a unit. Together. We are both working on a shared mission. I'm just the senior... officer" she almost said 'agent', "who's taking point on the mission."
She looks over at him now.
"The mission is your graduation. It's not an experiment, because the point isn't to prove whether you can or cannot accomplish this. Accomplishing this is doable. That's why we've been paired to do it."
She looks over at him and gently reaches for his hand to hold it while she continues.
"That means you aren't alone here. I'm with you. We're on the same side. If you're in a bad situation, I am a resource you can turn to."
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Senior officer in a shared mission. He's not sure he believes that, but apparently his programming does. At least insofar as he hasn't been inclined to murder her yet.
He looks for something else to say and settles on Old Faithful.
"Yes ma'am."
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"I'm okay if that takes time to sink in. But if you ever wonder how I see it, it's like that."
She breathes out a little.
"If you want to do any independent research on me, my last inmate was Arthur Lester. I know you and he have some... difficulties, so you can also talk to Alan Wake. Wake and I are from the same world. And we've been... partners on a mission too."
She'll give his hand a squeeze before letting go.
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He watches her hand as she pulls back, settling there a moment longer before he shakes himself out of whatever was nibbling at the edges of the empty. "That's good to know. I was aware, about you and Arthur, but... I guess I didn't think about him as a possible... resource."
Just a weird programming hiccup.
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Logistics are easy. Ish.
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