He flounders a moment, sees himself being pulled inexorably deeper into a project he has no idea how to tackle, and goes for honesty instead. It's not like the people here aren't already aware of certain tendencies.
"Actually, I was going to see about carving up the brush into something more practical."
"Soldiers are only soldiers when there's a war to fight," is her counter to that. "And given there's no war here, you've got a lot more to do with a paintbrush than a weapon."
She considers pulling out her weapon to show it to him, but she's got it in a very specific location right now and she'd rather not.
"It's a gun. It shoots bullets. Sorry I wasn't clear."
"It is true." She watches him for a long moment. "Because soldiers are also fathers and mothers, brothers and sisters, lovers, children. They're people, which means they have different facets, that they can be soldiers when war demands it... or a good friend. A great soccer player. A creative artist."
She gestures to him with her left hand.
"'Soldier' is only part of who you are, and it's not the part that's needed now. So you can explore the other parts."
She's still watching him and she's not acknowledging the tension. Her eyes are calm and steady.
"I think that it's easy to lose sight of pieces of yourself, when you get pulled into a facet as... violently as a soldier might be. But I don't think that's all there is left for them.
"For some, I think they might be able to find those pieces, with some help." She glances at the box of paint and paper. "For others, if they can't find the old, maybe they can grow something new."
There's something in what she says that feels... not off, exactly, but... like she knows things, things he hasn't said to her. He tries to recall if anything he said to John or Arthur might have brushed against the idea of mission objectives and found its way back to her, but.
Somehow not even remotely what he expected. The expression on his face is borderline comical in its surprise, with how different it looks from his normal neutral-to-cold friendliness.
"...Okay." A pause. "Is showing someone part of the objective, or...?"
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"I'm fine, ma'am, thank you." Then, because it only seems polite to acknowledge it, he adds, "It's kind of you to ask."
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"I think I have a book here on beginner watercolor. Were you interested in trying landscapes or portraits?"
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"Actually, I was going to see about carving up the brush into something more practical."
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"Why?"
Then she looks up.
"Why are you looking to make a weapon out of it?"
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"In case of what?"
Then-
"And what makes a weapon more practical than a paintbrush?"
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"In case I need a weapon."
Another quiet shrug. "It's more practical for me."
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She said what she said.
"What makes a weapon more practical for you? Because you haven't tried painting yet?"
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"And what's your weapon do, specifically?"
As for practicality-- "I'm a soldier, ma'am, not an artist."
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She considers pulling out her weapon to show it to him, but she's got it in a very specific location right now and she'd rather not.
"It's a gun. It shoots bullets. Sorry I wasn't clear."
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"I'm sure it would be nice if that was true."
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There's a tense neutrality in the words.
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She gestures to him with her left hand.
"'Soldier' is only part of who you are, and it's not the part that's needed now. So you can explore the other parts."
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"Yes, ma'am."
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"I'm willing to hear a counter argument. But I can only state what I believe. What is it you believe?"
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His tone is still even, in spite of the aura of tension around him.
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"I think that it's easy to lose sight of pieces of yourself, when you get pulled into a facet as... violently as a soldier might be. But I don't think that's all there is left for them.
"For some, I think they might be able to find those pieces, with some help." She glances at the box of paint and paper. "For others, if they can't find the old, maybe they can grow something new."
She meets his eyes again.
"We could try the painting together?"
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"I know."
She shakes her head.
"That doesn't exempt you from kindness."
She's helped people who've done a lot worse.
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He thinks, Doesn't it?
He thinks Shouldn't it?
He thinks Get too close, and it all happens again.
He'd prefer not to kill anyone else who wants to be kind to him.
"I don't know that I... I think possibly I should make it a solo effort at first."
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It's easier to grow from an offshoot. From a cutting. And some plants need trellises, a frame to grow on. She looks at him again.
"Not a bad idea." A pause. "Would it help if I gave you a-" another, shorter pause, "an objective?"
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Maybe she just knows soldiers.
"All right."
He could not sound more reluctant fam.
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"We'll start small: a picture you feel good showing to someone else. Just... one that you think is worth sharing. That's it."
She turns her hand.
"Maybe you like the colors. Or there's a shape that came out well. Maybe it just seems to evoke something. Whatever it is."
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"...Okay." A pause. "Is showing someone part of the objective, or...?"
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