He nods, though he can't muster up any concern at the idea of not going back to the barge.
"It's a thought." One that lets him avoid the anxiety that the empty can't seem to consume. "I don't know... don't know what his connections to people here are like, if he'd come or not, but. It's a thought."
"I don't know." Which is indeed a strange and uncomfortable thought. "The way he said hello, I don't think so. But... I don't know."
His focus on that spot of nothing intensifies. "He's got it all still, all his, y'know. He's got all his emotions still, didn't go the same route I did."
David's smile is distant and distracted. "No, he was always the one who felt things. He was always the one with the most heart, in the whole squad probably."
He doesn't know what it is about Saga's eyes that manages to be both comforting and unsettling at once. They're the kind of beautiful that comes from watching strafing fire on the horizon.
He studies his fingertips, mentally contrasting the feel of Caleb's hair with the pressure of his hands on Caleb's throat. "So I could kill him."
"What about for you?" she says quietly, "what about for you... getting to feel it when Hanna does something nice for you? Or enjoy a meal down to your toes. Feel rested or exhausted. All those things that you look forward to o-or you dread or you get to enjoy. All those things. You deserve to feel things, Henry. For you."
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"It's a thought." One that lets him avoid the anxiety that the empty can't seem to consume. "I don't know... don't know what his connections to people here are like, if he'd come or not, but. It's a thought."
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"You think he's made a connection with someone here that would have him unwilling to come with you?"
Her tone asks if that's what part of the 'weirdness' might be: parts of his life that Henry doesn't know about now.
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His focus on that spot of nothing intensifies. "He's got it all still, all his, y'know. He's got all his emotions still, didn't go the same route I did."
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She can't fault him for that. She's doing her own work trying to find out things around here.
"Is that how he was, back when you were together in the compound? Or is seeing him like this new?"
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She's watching him carefully. And wondering if Caleb had a different opinion on who had the biggest heart.
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"How did I feel about it?" He loved Caleb. He loved everything about him, including his gentle fortitude.
That's a little too much to say aloud.
"I guess I just saw it as a part of who he was."
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"There's a reason you made the choices you did, flipped the 'switch' you have. The choice not to do that- did you ever worry about him?"
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He frowns, struck by a sudden bit of memory. "No, I didn't want him to do it. I didn't want him to give it up. I worried that he would."
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She's not trying to lead him anywhere but she's not surprised it's heading there.
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"I didn't want him to do it," he says again, and stops. Can't come to unpleasant conclusions if he deliberately avoids the logic of them!!!
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"And did he have any feelings about it when you did it? That you know of, obviously?"
She isn't pushing. Isn't even nudging. She's just asking questions.
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Right before Caleb died, so he could stand the mercy kill he knew had to happen. Kills, plural, but it was the first one that he needed help through.
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"So you could die with him?"
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He studies his fingertips, mentally contrasting the feel of Caleb's hair with the pressure of his hands on Caleb's throat. "So I could kill him."
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Quiet. Careful.
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"No one around to know I'd ever been different."
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Do I?
No malice in the thought, no particular shame. A weighing of the facts. Consideration for the things he's done.
He shrugs a shoulder.
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"Something to think about, maybe?"